where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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