Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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