So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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