You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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