i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
