Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize