Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
