why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
