doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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