Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He's on the porch naked. Help.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
