I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
