There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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