Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
