True but thats because hes a fetus.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
honey bunches of taint.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
