guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
