I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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