Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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