I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
