She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
