He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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