why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
