Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well I just put wine in my tea
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
