that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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