So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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