soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
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I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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