When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
