so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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