Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I met the friendliest cop last night
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
