I just saw a hot homeless man
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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