You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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