why do cheetos always look like penises
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
