My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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