So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
