My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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