You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
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The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
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I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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