Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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