Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
