Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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