Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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