Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
