we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
