My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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