Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
