I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
