you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
