I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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