:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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