That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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