Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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