I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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