is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
