Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
