Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
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a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
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I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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