i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
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She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
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Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
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