Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
