I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
accomplished twins. life is a go
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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