...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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