Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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