I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
