So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
