What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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