Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
