I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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