so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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