But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
