That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
