is your mom at the bar?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
