I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
