she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I AM VODKA MAN
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
