Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
