The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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