it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
