Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
