I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
