I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
