Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
