youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
