Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
