you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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