let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
