There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
