I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
