Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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