I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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