I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
