No stitches, just platelets and will power
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
