You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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