I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
