Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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